Terrorism Toys
By now, everybody has heard of the terrorism scare in Boston prompted by the discovery of flashing signs resembling Lite-Brite kits in several locations around the city. Unfortunately, when it comes to terrorist scares by popular 80s toys, this incident was only the tip of the iceberg. Read on to learn about some more frightening incidents that were buried in the C section of your newspaper.
Seattle Ferries Shut Down
After a frightened passenger aboard the Tahubamup ferry reported a suspicious package on the upper car deck, ferry security officers moved to investigate. After a short search, the package was found to be a box of the popular game “Hungry Hungry Hippos.” The bomb squad was called in and successfully destroyed the package once the ferry had docked at Edmonds. As a precaution, all ferry service was suspended for the next eight hours as the ships were searched intensively for other action-based board games. An hour later, the game “Crossfire” was found aboard the Tuboma docked in Bremerton.
Marie Drophet, the passenger who initially reported the box, described the picture of the cartoon hippopotamus printed on the box as “Islamic-looking.”
BART Train Victim of Hoax
Fourteen passengers had to exit a BART train car this morning after an anonymous call to 911 reported a bomb and Transit Police noticed a small plastic object underneath a seat of the train. “I was so frightened,” said daily rider Paul Sorhees, “We had to exit into the tunnel and everything. I almost wet myself.” The Bomb Squad detonated the object, later found to be a “Man-At-Arms” action figure from the popular 80s cartoon He-Man. Ralph Tanner, spokesman for the BART told reporters, “The situation was handled in the correct manner. Had the extra two arms on the action figure been filled with explosive as our specialist theorized, even a bomb of that size could have easily derailed a train.”
Wisconsin Daycare Evacuated by Authorities
A disc-shaped plastic object prompted the evacuation of a daycare in Madison yesterday. Early in the morning, Shirley Frock called the local police to the scene after noticing the object in a basement storage area of the small daycare building. After extensive investigation by experts, the strange device was determined to be a Sit-n-Spin toy. Despite the basement being locked tight at all times, Mrs. Frock claimed that she had never seen the toy before.
Bomb Squad members at the scene entertained the frightened evacuated children by giving demonstrations of their remote-controlled bomb defusing robot, named Wheelie.
Statue of Liberty Closed To Public
One of our nation’s more recognizable monuments, the Statue of Liberty, was closed yesterday after the discovery of a mysterious plastic object. Officials evacuated the statue and specialists were called in to examine the object, which was initially believed to be a mass of C4 explosive. Clad in protective clothing, a bomb squad expert put the device into a protective metal case and removed it from the statue where it was then investigated. The all-clear was given soon afterward when a child in the crowd of evacuated tourists pointed out that the mysterious plastic object was a misplaced Statue of Liberty souvenir he had purchased earlier that day. C4, used extensively by demolition operations is a malleable clay-like substance with many times the explosive power of TNT.
Why is the media covering up these incidents which clearly reveal a larger conspiracy? Concerned citizens should demand action! Today it is a Man-At-Arms He-Man action figure, but tomorrow it could easily be a Teddy Ruxpin doll… can we take that risk?