No Zytrons In Range

How bad is Terminator 3? Let me count the ways.

1. Magical Terminatrix Powers:
   • Gratuitous boob inflation. This puts Terminator 3 slightly below Critters 2, which had a very similar scene that was marginally less gratuitous.
   • Remote control of vehicles with no remote control capability. This puts Terminator 3 slightly below Maximum Overdrive, which used the same premise but didn’t try to explain it using ‘nanobots.’
   • The ability to yodel into a cellphone, making a broadband connection to some school district to pull photos from their middle school yearbook.
   • The ability to lick people to identify them. (Oh yeah, the Terminatrix has the a storehouse of the targets’ DNA, but not their photo!? Explain that one!)
   • The ability to change her arm-weapon from a plasma-ball-launcher into a flame-thrower. With this ability comes the compulsion to use it to burn random trees for no reason.
   • What looks like spider legs coming out of her mouth. I guess these come in handy when you’re wailing like a banshee.
2. Imagine this scene in your mind’s eye: cut to a news broadcast of a reporter talking about a new Internet virus that’s crashing computers all around the globe. The camera zooms out to show a guy, about 16 years old, and his girlfriend drinking beers while watching TV. The doorbell rings, and the guy says, “my mom’s home early! Hide the beer!”
   • Why would his mom ring her own doorbell?
   • Why would a drunk 16-year-old with a girlfriend and beers be watching the plot-advancement news network? Don’t they get MTV?
   • Who wrote this crap?
3. Nick Stahl has to be the worst saviour-of-humanity ever. Hell, the teenaged version of himself from Terminator 2 could have done better, and that kid was annoying as hell.
4. The best line they could come up with for Arnie was, “I’m back?” A three-year-old could write better dialog.

I will say that the prototype Terminator robots from the military lab were kind of cool, and the action sequences weren’t completely botched. But, man, what a stinker.

While surfing today, I came across some evidence that, despite reading up on it for years and owning several domains, I know absolutely nothing about the domain name market. Behold:

For the image-impaired, that right there is a screenshot of the Sedo.com domain name auction site’s “featured domains.” And highlighted in red is the domain whypaintcat.com with an asking price of $3250. That’s over three thousand dollars for whypaintcat.com.

What the hell! It’s gibberish! It’s not even whypaintacat.com, which would at least be grammatically correct. (Or perhaps whypaintcats.com.) By that logic, my domain hiareyou.com has to be worth at least five grand– it’s equally nonsensical, but it has shorter words in it.

And kind of website could you possibly put at whypaintcat.com!? Is it an educational site for cat owners who want to justify their irrational need to put a coat of latex-based on their pets? Is it a new soft drink with a surreal name to attract hipsters? I don’t get it.

If you own whypaintcat.com, or you recently bought it for an outrageous fee from Sedo.com before Googling it and finding this blog posting, please send me an email. I’m bubbling over with curiosity. Was it worth the money?

And for God’s sake: Why paint cat? Inquiring minds want to know.