How bad is Terminator 3? Let me count the ways.
- Magical Terminatrix Powers:
- Gratuitous boob inflation. This puts Terminator 3 slightly below Critters 2, which had a very similar scene that was marginally less gratuitous.
- Remote control of vehicles with no remote control capability. This puts Terminator 3 slightly below Maximum Overdrive, which used the same premise but didn’t try to explain it using ‘nanobots.’
- The ability to yodel into a cellphone, making a broadband connection to some school district to pull photos from their middle school yearbook.
- The ability to lick people to identify them. (Oh yeah, the Terminatrix has the a storehouse of the targets’ DNA, but not their photo!? Explain that one!)
- The ability to change her arm-weapon from a plasma-ball-launcher into a flame-thrower. With this ability comes the compulsion to use it to burn random trees for no reason.
- What looks like spider legs coming out of her mouth. I guess these come in handy when you’re wailing like a banshee.
- Imagine this scene in your mind’s eye: cut to a news broadcast of a reporter talking about a new Internet virus that’s crashing computers all around the globe. The camera zooms out to show a guy, about 16 years old, and his girlfriend drinking beers while watching TV. The doorbell rings, and the guy says, “my mom’s home early! Hide the beer!”
- Why would his mom ring her own doorbell?
- Why would a drunk 16-year-old with a girlfriend and beers be watching the plot-advancement news network? Don’t they get MTV?
- Who wrote this crap?
- Nick Stahl has to be the worst saviour-of-humanity ever. Hell, the teenaged version of himself from Terminator 2 could have done better, and that kid was annoying as hell.
- The best line they could come up with for Arnie was, “I’m back?” A three-year-old could write better dialog.
I will say that the prototype Terminator robots from the military lab were kind of cool, and the action sequences weren’t completely botched. But, man, what a stinker.
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