Cloverfield
The one sentence review: Cloverfield is unfortunately kind of disappointing, and bring your Dramamine if you’re sitting close to the screen.
Look, I like kaiju movies. I like serious Godzilla, the Godzilla of the 50s and 90s. I like crazy Godzilla, the Godzilla of every other decade. Yes, even Godzilla’s Revenge. (What? It’s funny… don’t look at me like that.) I like crazy Gamera, and I believe honestly that Gamera truly is friend to all children. I like the serious Gamera of the 90s, which are still pretty crazy when you think about them, just with more gruesome effects. I even like Garuda, even though it’s not really in the same genre.
I’m also the first person to proudly say that despite its name, kaiju movies are an American invention, damnit. Even if you don’t think King Kong counts, there’s still this awesome little flicked named The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms which not only fits the genre’s conventions perfectly, but was released a year and change before the original Godzilla and had special effects by Ray Harryhausen and was written by Ray Bradbury and you really can’t beat that.
So what I’m getting at here is you’d think I’d enjoy Cloverfield simply by default, and I didn’t really. It had some moments that were truly worthwhile, but the film as a whole just didn’t gel for me for whatever reason. And it didn’t help that…
Spoilers Ahead
… the monster sucked! All I can say about the monster is that it’s a good thing the cast and crew kept it such a tight-lipped secret, because if they’d released photos of it I think it would have hurt their chances at the box office. Yes, gentle viewers, New York was being destroyed by a monster that not only had killer lice, but literally could not stand upright. Being one hundred feet tall? Scary. Waddling around on flippers? Not scary. The two even out to give the general reaction, “eh.” When the reaction to the main character of your film is “eh” (and let’s face it, people go to kaiju films to see the monster), then you got problems.
The second problem is that Cloverfield doesn’t explain anything. Where does the monster come from? I dunno. Why is it in Manhatten? No clue. How come when the little killer lice bite you your head explodes? Shrug. I’m ignoring the questions that apply to all monster/horror movies, such as: “how come weapons that can penetrate 20′ thick reinforced concrete are useless against a fleshy creature?” and “why the hell are they just standing there gaping when they’re in mortal danger?” Even Spielberg’s War of the Worlds gave a BS explanation for the alien’s presence. (They buried the spaceships a million years ago, then teleported into them under cover of a thunderstorm… God that movie sucked.)
Cloverfield also makes use of the new popular technique to make movies and TV shows look “more real” by not using a Steadicam at all. Actually, the entire movie is a first-person viewpoint from a camcorder held by one of the characters, which flashbacks provided by the un-erased parts of the tape he was recording on, so that when the camera jogs or skips you see a few minutes of what it recorded a couple weeks before the events of the movie. I thought that was pretty clever. I’m not a huge hater of the hand-held camera look like a lot of people are, but I do want to warn you if you’re going to see the movie that this camera moves. There are several-minute long scenes of it pointing randomly downwards while the characters are running. There’s one shot where the camera falls 40′ to the ground. (I want to know what model that is, damn it’s durable.) Unlike, say, I Am Legend or Battlestar Galactica which are filmed with hand-held cameras that are held pretty steady, the camera in Cloverfield really, really moves. I sat too close to the screen, don’t make the mistake I did.
So, in short, despite some exciting moments, I think the negatives of Cloverfield outweigh the positives and I left the theater pretty disappointed.