Mini Superhero Movie Reviews: Jumper
It’s really hard to like this movie. It’s not that it’s not well-made or interesting; it’s that the “heroes” of this movie are such complete and total jackasses. Who, in fact, almost certainly cause more death and destruction than the “bad guys.” Including at least three out-right murders, one of them cold-blooded.
The story follows Anakin Skywalker- er, David Rice- as he unnecessarily narrates how he discovered his ability to teleport. Apparently, a tiny fraction of people are born with the ability to teleport themselves and objects they’re touching (up to a certain size) anywhere in the world instantly. At least if they come from broken homes, all the jumpers seem to have. Naturally, Anakin uses his gifts to rob banks, go on constant trips to tropical vacation spots, and ignore people who he could potentially save if he wasn’t such a self-absorbed jackass.
Samuel L Jackson plays Roland, an NSA agent who is also in a secret society of “Paladins” who hunt jumpers and also the most likeable character in the movie. After investigating one of Anakin’s bank robberies, Roland manages to track him down and hit him with an industrial-strength taser, which inhibits his ability to jump. Unless it’s important to the plot. Unfortunately for us, Anakin manages to escape, thus making the movie longer than half an hour.
Now knowing that he’s being pursued by the secret society, Anakin decides to lay low by going back to his home-town and the only people in the entire world who can positively ID him. Brilliant thinking there, buddy. Meeting up with his ex-girlfriend, Millie, he takes her to Rome. The conventional, airliner, way. Apparently he pays for the trip using a huge wad of cash in his backpack, and buys the tickets the day of the flight, which proves the TSA is as effective in the movie world is about the same as the real world.
In Rome, Anakin encounters another jumper, Griffin, who proceeds to murder several government agents before explaining to Anakin that the paladins have been hunting jumpers for thousands of years. How hunting down a person who can teleport anywhere on Earth instantly, and can only be stopped by tasers, was accomplished long before satellite communications was invented is not explained.
When Anakin’s carelessness leads the paladins to Griffin’s hideout, and they subsequently kidnap Millie, he must find a way to get her back and prevent Griffin from setting off a bomb… blah, blah, blah it’s really not that interesting.
But enough of the plot and plot holes. The movie is well-produced, has good special effects (especially during the world-spanning fights sequences), and the acting is passable. If you can get past the fact that every single character in it is a complete asshole, and the ending that is nothing but 5 minutes of setup for the sequel, give this one a rent. But you’re not missing much if you don’t.