Comments on G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
The following two bulletpoints are really going to shock people who know me:
- I watched G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra last night
- I thought it was actually an ok movie
So here are some comments.
Rating:
G.I. Joe is rated PG-13 by the lovable, huggable, MPAA. Here’s an short list of things you can show in a PG-13 movie, apparently:
- Decapitation
- Decapitation via head explosion
- Woman getting pierced all the way through her torso, all the way through the tablet PC she was holding by a sword (oh, and the tablet was a Panasonic Toughbook model, so you know it was a forceful blow)
- Man falling through high-voltage lines and being burned to dust
Of course, in all of those scenes, there’s no blood because kids are too stupid to realize violence is happening when there’s no blood, right? Gee, the MPAA totally fucking up a movie rating? Unthinkable!
Product Placement:
I’m not some slick Madison Avenue advertising dude, so maybe I’m way off-base here when I say that I would assume product placement is more effective when the good guys are using the product. Although, I’m sure my new-found knowledge that psychotic brain-washing mad scientist Dr. Mindbender uses Norton Internet Security on his torture computer will influence my purchasing decision next time I need anti-virus.
Cisco gets off easy by having product placement for a technology (holographic tele-presence) that’s used by both the good and bad guys in the movie, although the product is far too useful and creative (and easy-to-use) to actually come out of stodgy Cisco.
Hummer’s use by the bad guys, in a car chase that involves billions of dollars of damage and dozens, if not hundreds, of fatalities– maybe that was an environmental message?
Sci-Fi:
Surprisingly, the sci-fi element of the movie isn’t completely and utterly ludicrous. The tele-presence system mentioned above is a safe prediction for the next twenty years. Some guy already build a prototype of the stealth suit.
There are some problems, though. Nano-bots, really? That’s waaay out-there considering the stuff seen in the rest of the movie. They could have used something more believable, like a portable EMP or Fallout 3-esque mini-nuke. And they never explain why you need a particle accelerator to “weaponize” nano-bots.