Behold: the Bacon Explosion.
Here’s the changes I made from the recipe:
- I substituted Mexican chorizo for Italian sausage.
- I used pre-cooked bacon pieces from the grocery store for the center of the explosion, instead of cooking my own bacon. Due to lazy.
The ingredients! I didn’t end up using the BBQ sauce, since the chorizo didn’t lend itself to BBQ-ing up.
My first ever bacon weave.
Bacon weave with seasoning.
And covered in chorizo sausage.
Then the layer of bacon pieces in the middle.
The sausage rolled-up.
And the bacon rolled around it.
In my little baking sheet. Note to self: use bigger sheet next time.
Thermometer to make sure I don’t kill myself and others with bacteria. (The alarm was set to 175 degrees, not the 132 shown in the photo!)
The explosion lying in a giant pool of chorizo grease.
The left end cut off and put on a bun. I had to eat a slice right away, as it didn’t fit on the plate otherwise. The end piece in the photo is 80% bacon.
How’d it come out? Let’s just say: mistakes were made. The bacon isn’t weaved tight enough, the chorizo is too spicy and overpowers the bacon taste, and it never really solidified the way I’d have liked.
But, hey, nothing’s perfect on the first attempt, and it’s more than edible on a bun. And it’s without a doubt the most fattening and disgusting thing I’ve ever put in my oven. So that’s a bonus. And the bacon was on sale.
Tonight for dinner, I thought I’d slowly kill myself in a slightly different way than normal and microwave-up a TV dinner instead of attempting to cook something, or attempting to eat something cooked at a fast food joint. After careful consideration, I chose Hungry-Man “Mexican Style Fiesta” as my main meal this evening. I am, after all, a man who is hungry. It consists of a plastic tray with three compartments. One has a oily-looking mass of refried beans, one has what an enchilada prepared by an alien from Venus who only received a vague recipe over the phone, and the third has the dessert: a brownie. (The box proudly proclaims it’s a Duncan Hines brand brownie.)
Here are the cooking instructions with the seemingly random application of boldface preserved:
MICROWAVE OVEN
1. Remove plastic cover from brownie. Keep plastic over refried beans and enchiladas.
2. Microwave on HIGH 4-1/2 minutes. Carefully remove brownie with a fork; set aside. Turn back plastic cover; stir refried beans. Replace plastic cover. Return tray to microwave oven.
3. Microwave on HIGH 2-1/2 minutes.
4. Let stand 1 minute in microwave oven. Stir refried beans and rice before serving.
Do you see the problem with these directions? The brownie is done a full 2-1/2 minutes before the rest of the meal! The delicious-smelling brownie, sitting idly on a plate for minutes while the hungry dinner-maker stares at a slow-moving two-minutes-and-change timer on their microwave screen.
I put forward that there is not a human being on earth who has followed these directions without eating the brownie first, and thus ruining their dinner.
(It doesn’t look like the picture on the box.)