No Zytrons In Range

As a sequel to “Zune – Wha!?“, Here’s another gem from the Zune team:

Error when connecting/disconnecting USB headset

Two bugs for this post:

1) I was watching a movie on Zune (MP4 format, if that matters) when I plugged in my USB headset to make a Skype call. Despite my computer’s default audio being re-routed to the USB headset, Zune continued to play over the speakers. Every other application on my computer will change its audio output to the headset except Zune, so this is extremely annoying.

Workaround: Quit Zune, restart it, then play the same movie and skip to the same point at which you plugged in the headset.

2) After doing the workaround above, I finished my Skype call and then unplugged my USB headset. Zune then stopped my movie playback with the error “To listen, connect speakers or headphones to your computer.” Two points here:
a) This error message is insultingly moronic. No shit, you need headphones or speakers to hear things? I’m so glad I have Zune to tell me these things! (Must have been written by the same guy who wrote this error message: http://blakeyrat.com/2008/05/10/zune-wha/ )
b) It also was a blatant lie; there *are* speakers hooked up to my computer. Zune was just too stupid to switch audio output to them, like every other application I’ve used ever does.

So if you plug in, or unplug, a USB headset while watching a movie on Zune, you have to restart Zune.

Can someone on the Zune team please look up the phrase “plug and play” in the dictionary? There’s no excuse for this shoddy coding in the year 2008, I think pretty much everyone is aware of the existence of USB sound devices by this point, right?

Thanks.

PS, despite my griping about bugs, I really do like the new features in the new version– now that Zune buffers MP4 files read from network disks, I have absolutely no reason left to use iTunes. And that’s nice, considering how bloated and ugly iTunes is.

Whenever I go shopping, I always encounter the item with the gloop on it. Maybe you’re reaching into a freezer shelf and get frozen ice cream gloop, or you’re grabbing a can from a shelf and get exploded sauerkraut all over your hands.

What can you do? Well, you can’t blame the store, after all they stock thousands of items every day. And you can’t blame the truck driver, it’s not like he wants the products in the back of his truck to explode and get gloop all over. Some grocery stores actually have paper towels in some aisles to wipe gloop off, but those seem to be few and far-between. But as I was grocery shopping today, I came up with the perfect solution to this problem.

Inspired by the self-cleaning public toilets Seattle has placed in their public parks, and the moisture systems supermarkets already have installed for their produce, I propose the Supermarket Shampoo. Simply install car-wash style water nozzles and powerful fans on the top and bottom of every supermarket aisle.

When 2:00 AM rolls around, the nozzles let loose, blasting every single aisle with powerful water mixed with a special Supermarket Shampoo mixture and washing the gloop off everything in sight. Once the shelves are clean, you simply turn on the fans and dry out the store so everything is sparkling clean for the next day.

Best idea ever.

This is all I ever see when I try to use Google Docs Offline while actually offline. Brilliant work there, Google. (It seems to work fine while I’m actually online, if that’s any consolation.)

An email I was recently required to send a complaint to New Line Cinema (movies@newline.com; their email address is hard to find, but that one seems most relevant) after suffering an embarrassing and annoying experience with their broken copy protection.

Hello,

I recently rented the DVD of the movie “Shoot ‘Em Up” from Blockbuster Online. I was originally planning to view this movie on my laptop, since I have a long train commute to work, but I found I wasn’t able to. The disk didn’t seem to read or work correctly in either VLC or Windows Media Player. Once I got home from work, I instead tried to view it on my Dell desktop computer, but I had the same issues as on my laptop. So I attempted to play the DVD on my Macintosh G5 computer, only to find that it wouldn’t play on that computer either.

I tried:
1) A HP laptop computer, using both VLC and Windows Media Player
2) A Dell desktop computer, using both VLC and Windows Media Player
3) A Macintosh G5 desktop computer, using both DVD Player.app and VLC
4) An Xbox 360 game console

The Xbox is the only device in my entire household that seemed able to play the DVD, and I was finally able to watch the movie using it.

The DVD is not scratched or damaged, so I can only assume that the problem is caused by some copy protection you placed on the disk. I understand the need to protect creative works from piracy and copyright infringement, and as a software developer I often face the same types of issues that a movie studio does.

However, I would never create a product that simply does not work on my client’s/user’s computer to meet this need of copy protection. This DVD is, in a word, defective. All of the above devices have the standard DVD logo on them, and are perfectly capable of playing every other DVD I’ve come across.

Since I rented this DVD and did not purchase it, it would be out of place for me to demand any compensation for the time and effort it took to determine why this DVD was not playing on my various computers. I do hope that you take a step back and realize that one of the primary reasons people pirate movies such as Shoot ‘Em Up is the increasingly strict copy protection that refuses to allow them to play the movie the way they want it played. I’ve never downloaded a movie over bittorrent before, but I sure was tempted when I wasn’t able to play this one after three attempts—I can guarantee the bittorrent download would have played on my laptop the first try!

Thank you for your attention,

- James Schend

I’m not usually one of those foaming-at-the-mouth “DRM and copy protection is evil!” type of person, but making and selling a product that simply does not work in the name of copy protection is way over the line. Way over the New Line (ha ha, get it?)

I just auto-updated my Zune software to version 2.5, and when it started up I was greeted by the following dialog box.

For the image deprived, the dialog reads:

You recently enabled graphics and video enhancement. Is the screen displayed correctly? Yes/No

Ugh! Where to even start!?

1. No I didn’t. I didn’t “enable” anything, much less “graphics and video enhancement.” I don’t even know what that is, or how to enable it, or why I would want to enable it. Above all, this dialog lies to me.
2. Are you seriously asking me if the screen is displayed correctly, in a dialog box!? “I’m sending you email to ask you if your email is working.” Of course the goddamned screen is displaying correctly, idiots.
3. Wait a second, do they literally mean the screen!? Are they seriously saying that something Zune’s installer (or it’s “graphics and video enhancement”) might do to my computer could actually fuck around with my video card? That’s certainly the implication, isn’t it? Of course, what they actually mean is “window,” not “screen.” At least, I hope to God they do.
4. And lastly, but perhaps most importantly… if the window was displaying incorrectly, how would I know? Zune has a very customized UI that doesn’t lend itself to instantaneous judgments of “correct” vs. “incorrect.” (See the screenshot at the top of this post.) The dialog doesn’t present a screenshot describing what it’s supposed to look like. How could any end-user, actually answer this dialog?

I hit “yes.” It seems to be working ok. I’m mildly curious to know what would have happened if I hit “no” or the close box. (I like to imagine it would shuffle the window around a bit and then ask me if it’s displayed correctly now… kind of like those “can you hear me now?” commercials.)

Congratulations, Zune developers. You’ve earned this:

P.S. I really do like Autoplaylists. And thank you from the bottom of my heart for fixing MP4 playback from a networked drive!

I found a new product announcement via Neatorama that is possibly the dumbest product ever made. Not only mind-bogglingly useless, but mind-bogglingly expensive at the same time. Behold, the Greenhouse Eneplug:

See? It’s an adapter that lets you plug your charge-via-USB devices directly into the wall to charge! Wow amazing! Except…

1. Devices that charge via USB generally already come with their own charger. For instance, my Motorola RAZR phone and my iPod both came with their own version of exactly this. This isn’t a new or innovative product in any way, I probably have 3-4 in my living room right now between all the crazy computer peripherals I buy.
2. It costs $47!

   

   For that price, you could buy three standard powered USB hubs. (On a positive note, it’s available the “begging of May,” whenever that is.)

3. Oh, and those powered USB hubs you could buy? They have more USB ports (4 or 8, compared to 1), a longer cable so you can place it where you want, and they’ll do the exact same thing as this $47 device if you simply don’t plug it into a computer. Oh, and if you do plug it into a computer, it’s also a USB hub. Amazing magic product!

I think the point here is to convince gullible environmentalists that if they didn’t use this thing to charge their USB devices, they’d have to leave their entire computer powered on to do it. Which would be a decent point, if it were true, but I’ve yet to see a device that charges via USB and doesn’t also come with a wall charger of its own. And even if you did care about powering on your computer, and you had a USB device with no wall charger, you could still just buy a dirt-cheap powered USB hub and do the same thing, except better in every way.

I think this very well be the most useless product ever sold. If I haven’t talked you out of it, you can order one at GeekStuff4U.com.

I recently sent a ticket to AMD/ATI about a problem I was having with a recently purchased video card. Their website was extremely confusing, so the ticket went in looking something like this:

Type of Inquiry: PC support
Bus Type: PCI Express
Operating System: WINDOWS VISTA
Driver Version: Other
Other Driver Version: 2007.1220.2143.38732
Category: Solve a Problem
Topic: Display
Sub-topic: Games
Graphics Manufacturer: MSI
Vendor: Not Sure
Application: Other
Application Name: Arx Fatalis
Product: Other MSI (Uncertified)

Summary: Use Centered Timings doesn’t work
Details: Your menu above is really confusing. The version number from the ATI thing is the 2007.1220.etc, but it only gives options for like 8.1, 8.2? Also, my Radeon 2600xt isn’t listed under MSI, does that mean it’s “uncertified?” What does “uncertified” mean?

Anyway, when I turn on the “Use Centered Timings” option for my Dell 20″ widescreen DVI monitor, Arx Fatalis still fills the entire screen when it switches the monitor mode to 1280×1024 (the maximum it supports), distorting the image. What do I need to do to get “Use Centered Timings” working correctly?

I count four questions there. Here’s the response:

SOLUTION

Based on our experience, lockups and hangs issues are usually due to improper
system configuration, driver issues, faulty hardware, or a known issue between
a given application, driver and hardware in use.

Please click the link below for more information:

https://support.ati.com/ics/support/default.asp?deptID=894&task=knowledge&questionID=28022

If the information above does not resolve your issue, please respond to your
ticket in order to get assistance from our qualified support representatives.

Thank you for choosing AMD!

I love the confidently-written word “Solution”, complete with boldface and all-caps, placed directly above a block of text which isn’t even close to being a solution to my problem. Not only did it not answer my four questions, it doesn’t answer any questions relevant to my ticket. I’m sure some computer randomly selected this response based on some keyword in my submission, but damned if I can even figure out what keyword it is.

All I can say to AMD/ATI is:

BTW, “Use Centered Timings” actually only works with non-standard resolutions. If you set your monitor to a standard resolution, like 800×600 or 1280×1024, it lets the monitor make the decision on whether to letterbox or scale it. After I put that ticket in, I went to the monitor controls and found the option on my monitor, so the problem is actually resolved now. I wouldn’t mind knowing why ATI even has that option, if it doesn’t work most of the time, but I guess that’ll remain a mystery.

(A pre-warning: don’t read this post if you don’t like extremely nit-picky complaints. No griping about it later on, you’ve been warned.)

Dear Microsoft,

What is this?

That might be a little hard to read, so let’s make it a bit bigger and call out exactly what I’m talking about:

What is that weird gap to the left of my network status notification area (or system tray) icon? Is that some other notification icon that just happens to be invisible and really skinny? Is that the network status icon taking extra space to use later? Or maybe Google dropped the ball and their Google Desktop icon (the one to the left) is taking more space than it needs.

Now I know why there’s space to the left of the clock, it’s to set it apart from the notification area. Is that mysterious gap supposed to represent a division between Microsoft-installed icons and third party ones? Is that what that is? Is it just a bug? Will it be fixed in the upcoming SP1?

I know it’s a tiny, stupid, petty thing, but it drives me nuts every time I look at the task bar.

A relatively recent Firefox update, I think maybe 2.0 when it came out, added a clever new feature. It saves a running log of your session so that, if Firefox crashes, the session can be restored as if it was working all along.

(Normally I’d gripe about Firefox crashing at all, but since it runs third-party code in the form of plug-ins, I suppose there’s not all that much the Mozilla Foundation can do about it. Being a Mac user from the Classic era, and remembering the horror of Extensions, I’m particularly forgiving on this front. The session restoring is better than nothing.)

The problem is what Firefox thinks an “interrupted session” is. Specifically, if Firefox is running and I log out, restart, or shut down, Firefox, the next time I start it up I’m presented with the annoying dialog box from hell: “Your last Firefox session closed unexpectedly:”

No, Firefox. It didn’t close unexpectedly. I chose “Log Out” from the goddamned menu, and I expected it to close. How else could I log out if my applications didn’t close? Der.

This presents two different possibilities, listed in order from kind of stupid to completely stupid:

1. The Mozilla Foundation believes that Firefox users are so stupid they won’t realize that the OS will have to close Firefox to restart.
2. The Mozilla Foundation is so stupid that they don’t realize that the OS will have to close Firefox to restart.

So what does Google have to do with this? Well, they’ve introduced a new plug-in for Firefox called Google Browser Sync which, well, it does pretty much what the name implies it does: it syncs all browser settings between multiple computers. It also, lo and behold, has a feature where it can save your session and restore it, much like Firefox’s built-in feature that does the same thing.

The only difference is what Google considers an interrupted session: Any time Firefox is closed, for any reason, your session is interrupted. Were you finished browsing? Doesn’t matter, if you close Firefox, your session was interrupted and Google Browser Sync will “helpfully” ask if you want to restore it.

Firefox’s definition of “interrupted session” is stupid. The OS telling Firefox to quit isn’t an “interrupted session” no matter how you look at it. But Google’s definition is beyond stupid, I’m afraid. My only question to the developers of Google Browser Sync: How do I end my Firefox session without interrupting it? Do you have to go back to your homepage before closing it? Or maybe go to “about:blank”? Whatever it is, please tell me.

Well, it’s only a matter of time before a Google executive finishes setting up their projector for the high-roller tech demo, opens up his copy of Firefox and sees this:

And the feature will be gone forever.

I guess I should write an update to my last posting about my crummy experience using Google Checkout to make a purchase.

I purchased my iFM and it was delivered, I signed for it, opened up the package and suffered extreme disappointment that the iFM doesn’t work with my iPod. Apparently, it relies on a little port that Apple used to put next to the headphone jack called the “remote port”. (See this delightfully crazy page to see what it looks like.) As you can see, virtually every iPod in existence, except my 30 GB video iPod, has a remote port right next to the headphone jack.

You’ll also notice that Griffin Technology actually has two versions of the iFM: one that works with my iPod, and one that doesn’t. Brilliant.

Five demerits to Apple, for removing a port that tons of iPod accessories relied on for no reason what-so-ever. Two-and-a-half demerits to Griffin Technology for upgrading a product without renaming it. (You can’t really blame Griffin as much when Apple does the same thing.)

So it’s been a terrible customer experience all around, and I still don’t have a working FM receiver for my iPod. I give up.